Will you Shut Up!
by LaverdaHarleyIndian
Summary: The Sorting-Hat knows exactly where young Harry belongs. His only problem is getting him in it! Featuring: InDenialSlytherin!Harry and HatsShouldActTheirAge!Sorting-Hat.


xXx

"Potter, Harry!"

Harry jerked his head back to look at the area he heard his name called. Loud whispering accompanied his slow march up to the wonky three-legged stool. Gasps and excited little hiccups erupted out from some tables. Some even had the gall to kneel on their chairs and rise above the other students to ogle. Harry tisked at their reactions. With an elegant flair of his robes he sat on the chair with elegance. This prompted some of the older Slytherin's faces to pinch with annoyance. How many years had they been trying to achieve that as naturally as he did!

McGonagall dropped the hat quickly over Harry's head as if to hide him from each admirable and hostile vision of the students.

The instant he felt the hat drop to his head he heard the monologue of a strange voice. Harry's sharp mind told him quickly where the monotonous tone was coming from.

'Ah! A quick one here! But most definitely not suited to the Ravenclaw way of learning. Hmm, plenty of courage I see, but far too sly to ever be a true Gryffindor. And judging by these rather descriptively enhanced curses, Hufflepuff will never be suitable for you. Sly, quick-tongued, very ambitious, very adaptive too. And talented, powerful. Cunning is a very strong trait within your personality too. Through and through you belong to' "SLY-"

"_DON'T YOU DARE_!"

Inner mind glare.

'Shut up Potter! I'm trying to sort you!'

'You're not putting me in there!'

'I say you are!'

"SLYTH-"

'NONONONONONONONONONONO'  
>UBERMASSIVE INNER GLARE AND MENTAL PAIR OF TAILORS SHEARS SNAPPING THREATENINGLY.<p>

'Ha! That doesn't work on me! Now be silent child and stop interrupting! I'm doing my job and you're just supposed to sit there!'

_This is not how it's supposed to go! _The Sorting-Hat thought in mute despair.

'But I don't want to go to Slytherin! Now shut up and say Gryffindor! Hell, I'll even take Hufflepuff if I have to!

'That's not possible you moron (no-one can shut up and speak at the same time)! Besides! You're a Slytherin through and through boy!'

'AM NOT! Just think, if you put me in Slytherin then what do you think the rest of Slytherin House will think of me? Little half-blood Potter, defeater - note the sarcasm- of the almighty Lord Voldemort! WE MUST TAKE REVENGE! I'm sure you can imagine what comes next, and it had better not be a pyre!'

'Now now, you have them confused with Gryffindor's. Slytherin's are cunning, they'll use any means. You won't know until they've poisoned you until you hit the ground, Potter.'

'But Mum and Dad were in Gryffindor, and Dumbledore and Hagrid! And lots of other people who are really cool! Do you really want my Sorting to taint their opinions of me! Imagine what my parents would say! And also, if you just put me in Gryffindor, I'll stop asking. THERE! EVERYONE WINS!'

'No' "SLY"

'STOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOPSTOPSTOPNONONONONONO! I REFUSE TO GO THERE! AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! HA!'

'WILL YOU STOP THAT! …Actually, you know what? Fine. I'll give you what you need so desperately.'

'Wait, seriously? You're not just trying to trick me?'

'Now, would I do that?' Cue mental cutesy eyes.

'Yes.'

'No, really. I understand. I'll put you in your rightful house.'

'Well, thanks. Much appreci-'

'Pfft. PSYCH!' "SLYTHERIN! HAHAHA! I WON POTTER! NYA NYA!"

"_DAMN IT ALL!_"

And with that Harry threw the stupid hat to the stupid floor of this stupid (amazing) castle!

"Stupid hat! Just you wait till I find a pair of shears! You'll regret this! Or better yet, I will find you! And I will... sew a neon pink pom-pom on your top. HA!" Harry crossed his arms in triumph, not noticing the adorably fearful looks from the Hufflepuff's, the calculating glances of the Ravenclaw's, the wide-eyed disappointment and disgust pouring from the Gryffindor's -that's not including the two twins who simply HAD to be related to Ron Weasley. The twins were there alternating between sobbing for 'not getting Potter' and giggling wondering why they hadn't thought of that before- and the open-mouthed shock and apprehension of the Slytherin's. And the teachers...

Dumbledore had pumpkin juice staining his beard where his cup didn't quite reach his mouth and was still pouring. McGonagall was sitting bolt upright like someone shoved a hot poker up her whatsit, the expression matched too. Quirrell's turban kept falling over his eyes as if jumping in excitement. And Snape. Well. He must have had the most interesting expression to ever grace his unfortunate face. He appeared to have simultaneously swallowed a handful of Dumbledore's lemon drops; eyes pried open with crowbars they were that wide and he appeared to also be holding in - which was slipping rapidly - a hysterical laugh full of equal parts despair and amusement.

Harry looked up and finally registered what happened and everyone's reactions. He turned red in embarrassment and anger at being once-overed by the Sorting hat. A HAT! He glared at the hat-in-question and glared a Snape-worthy, ice-cold glare. The students who could see his expression cowered.

'Hmph!' Harry thought. He stepped up to it and grumpily stamped his foot on it a couple of times. The hat popped back up and blew a raspberry at him, bits of dust flying at him in place of spittle. A couple of the older students thought their interactions looked rather adorable.

Grumbling he stomped dramatically over to the Slytherin's who by this stage were beginning to clap politely. Well, some of them were anyway. About a quarter of them were about laughing their heads off and there were a few stragglers who were cheering. He sat down with a huff next to the blonde haired prat from the entrance hall. He looked at Potter with a smirk.

"So. Ready to join the ranks of the elite? We can teach you far more that the other Houses. Things that will take you higher that the other students and give you far greater power than you could achieve anywhere else. You in Potter?" Malfoy grinned holding out his hand once more.

Harry contemplated this, his Slytherin side weighing the benefits and finding them very positive indeed.

"I'm in." He smirked back, slowly taking Malfoy's hand and shaking it once.

"Good. Welcome to Slytherin, Potter."

xXx


End file.
